Seven Devils

Journey out of Poverty

Holy fuck am I poor.

You’d think an Engineer, especially one as skilled as myself, would make good money. You’d be wrong. I just went and pissed away my last few hundred Eurobucks on the new Raven Spider bracelet, best 700 I’ve ever spent. In celebration of my new found poverty, I took my Tetsuo down to the Electric Clam.

Now, you’d think there wouldn’t be much to do at a strip club when you are flat broke but, as they say, window shopping is free. Of course, this wasn’t my only motive for coming down here, though it was certainly a good use of my time, as my good pal Fade had a hunch that something would appear for us. And so it did, in the form of the popular Rocker, Viole. I was hired to perform the simple task of setting up her upcoming show’s lights and sound. The pay was 2,500 smackers.

The day after, I decided that I could afford a bit of gas to do some joyriding on my Tetsuo. Oh, yeah, I mentioned my Tetsuo earlier in this log, let me introduce you to the Kundalini Roadworks GSR1200 Tetsuo. This is the bike that has brought me a step closer to an aerodyne. She handles beautifully and I can absolutely not wait until I hit her top speed of 204 mph. That’s 3.4 miles every minute, that’s a football field each and every second. But you’re probably not reading this to listen to me gush over my bike, are you?

Anyway, I’m out on my joyride and some idiot cocksucker decides it would be an absofuckinglutely FANTASTIC idea to pull out ahead of me. This forces me to duck into a side street just to dodge the ass clown, who must have passed his driving test in Asia where monkeys score better than them. Lady Luck must’ve been on the damn rag or something, because RIGHT after that, some old fucking coot decides that it’d be just chipper to walk out into the middle of the street and right in front of me.

We both took a spill, with my poor bike taking the worst of it and in serious need of detailing. He decided to just sit in the middle of the road because he “banged up” his knee, walk it off you pussy. During all of this, he is yelling and cursing at me like its MY fucking fault. Like I intentionally did this. No, it was his retarded ass who decided that he was going to jump out in front of my bike like a god damn suicidal deer, if you want to commit suicide find a semi or a train to step out in front of, probably banking on getting insurance money out of this bullshit situation.

So, I decided to walk over to the geezer shouting mean, vile profanities at me and proceeded to tell him what was what. He shot me. The bloody fucking asshole SHOT me! Hell, he shot me in my fucking face! I’m so glad I had my shades on because I’d probably be missing one of my heads by now, if I hadn’t. Now, I’ll admit that I was a bit angry at this point and pulling out my Superchief may have been just a tad overkill given the situation at hand. But long story short, he got a trim that got a bit too close, my bike got a new coat of paint, and some poor kids out there now have a new memory to share with their family. But seriously, who just shoots a guy?

The fun didn’t end there, though, I got to drive myself back to my bachelor pad and perform my own first aid, you know, since I’m shit broke. I got myself patched up as well as I possibly could and, as soon as I was able to find the time between keeping my wound clean and a MASSIVE migraine, I called my friend, Fade, to see if he, or someone he knew, could get me into a hospital for some proper treatment. What I got was just HILARIOUS. We took a drive around the perimeter of the hospital… Fuck Fade and Viole for that by the way, if Fade wasn’t such an absolute bad ass assassin guy, I would’ve beat them both senseless right there.

The next day, Viole conveniently remembered that “Hey, one of my band mates is a physician!” Would’ve been nice to know that last night… jerk. So, she has her friend come over to fix me up. If by fixing me up you mean shoving a mother fucking scalpel into my forehead, all the while she has the most menacing look on her face ever. A look that says “I have your fucking life in my hands you little bitch, so don’t fuck with me.” Others seemed to have taken it as a look of horror and remorse at what she had just did. No one can say who is right.

After that, is what has, so far, been the most leisurely time I’ve had in the past few days. I went to the stage and started setting up the lights, sound, and pyrotechnics to Viole’s specifications. I met a cool rabbit borg there as well, and he completely agreed with me on the happenings of the other day. I’d tell the old bastard to choke on that, but he doesn’t have much of a neck left, oh well.

Anyway, that’s about all I have to write about today, so I’m going to sign out.




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